I have been swallowing my own snot in the mean time. Still not feeling too great. But not too ill to stay at home. I will be going home before lunch today though, because there is little work to do for me anyway. Tomorrow there is a promotion celebrating which i will probably attend. Then i will give my flatmate a lift to a b-day party. I have no clue about what to do this weekend. I am feeling down all week, because of being sick and because of my doubts about my relationship with T.

Great! Now this New thing won't work on this fucking computer and tripod all of a sudden will!
I think the browswer on my work computer is just fucked up.

In the mean time i am still sad over mail. I feel like i have been fooling myself all this time.

New

The mail i received back from T did confuse me. There were some things i could agree on, but there were other things that he shouldn't have brought up. I think i am now not sure what to think. Maybe my eyes are now opened. Perhaps i now realise he has always been like last weekend and i just didn't want to see it, because i don't want to be alone...

I must make this entry because i need to remember how beautiful this season sometimes looks. It would be so great to have one of those gadgets they talk so much about that makes pictures that can be viewed on a computer instantly. :)
There is a fog covering the fields between the highways, barely leaving visual what lies beneath. There are clouds that color pale pink or dark grey, which are hanging just a little above the horizon.
There are birds flying in formation to an unknown destination.

I have talked with my friend and i decide i am equally to blame for the disappointing weekend with T. I am of the opinion that you should never try to make other ppl change for you. I don't want to tell anyone what to do or how he or she should be. I try to accept people the way they are. I think that's not that bad. But maybe there lies no harm in telling someone if there's something i find annoying. Then it is upto the other to want to change or not... I won't have to be annoyed and disappointed if things don't go my way. T might not be a mind reader.
But i still believe deep down that -if it is true that i have to tell someone how i want it- we don't fit. Or maybe i am thinking too cosmic about these things. Soulmates don't exist in large amounts. I would never advise to dump someone on such grounds. I guess i would advise myself to just tell the person that i care for so much what was bothering me... Why don't i practise what i preach?

It is now almost time to call it a day. I am glad to. Have been waiting for blood that never came. Maybe i made a mistake, maybe they were just too lazy to call me to tell me not to expect anything. The weather is terrible i am sad and i have no clue what to buy for dinner; i hope my umbrella still works.

There were only tears because i felt nothing.

I am so tired... want to go home. Just 15 more minutes. Haven't heard anything from T yet today, highly unusual. Will get SMS later i guess. Time goes by so slow sometimes...

Well, here we go again... the Dutch soccer team won the game against Scotland yesterday 6-0. And i am not amused. I was so sure they would mess up again. Even the experts had little faith. So i was happy. But now it seems like they are back in the race.
Oh well...
It's terrible, i am quite broke untill tuesday or so. Hopefully after groceries i still have money for the movie this weekend.
It looks like there will be other collegues here in the weekend that can do the five minutes work i am supposed to do. That will be nice. I only have to initiate the cellcultures at a later time today.
Only one more day till T get here...

Pfff, been working for my money again today. I have been working with the new technique on my own for the first time. It was very stressful. Kind of my own fault because i made a solution in the wrong dilution and i didn't make enough of another solution. The machine is now reading the values. Hopefully later today i can see it worked out alright.
It looks like T is coming over this weekend. I'd love to see him. I left it up to him, because i have some work i have to do on saturday and sunday morning. I have asked on the white board at work if someone else might be here by any chance. We will see. My friends boyfriend will be over here saturday as well, so the plan is to go see the movie "Goodbye, Lenin".
Mailed my parents yesterday, but no mail back (yet). I think they are still on holiday.
I have no more money this week.
Tomorrow morning i will go to H&M with my friend. I need to buy another black corduroy pair of trousers. I need to... They are my favorite and a while ago they were not available.
It is good to see T again soon. He has no money too, he says. I believe him. Poor student. He owes me holiday money. I DO hate those credit cards... :(
That's it, Folks....