[mail to my sweetheart]

Hey, sweetie

Indeed i guess with the subtitles it is perfect for us to watch a german movie ["Goodbye, Lenin"]. Maybe we both learn something... lol.
I know... When you leave i can still smell you as well. When i got back home last sunday and undressed for bed, i could smell the whole of your room in my sweater. lol, cigarettes and you.
I really miss you too. Your dutch SMSjes are soo sweet. Makes me want to crawl into the phone and SMS myself to kiss you. Probably someday it will be possible.
This morning on my bike to work i remembered my comment about marriage in front of A and M. And well, it wasn't tactful. It is a very nice idea that ppl decide to chose eachother and promise to stay together forever. I love that commitment. I only have trouble with the fact that most ppl make it ridiculously expensive and I have noone to invite... lol. i dunno, it came out a little harsh... na ja...
I am looking forward to the new year. I have never had that before.
[...]
Sorry if i seem to talk so much about her and R. You and them are the only ones that i care so much about that it hurts to see either one unhappy. I am glad i care so much, although sometimes it is difficult. But i guess you can understand that. Not too long ago i couldn't feel anything. When i lived with my parents i didn't feel anything but sorry for myself, and even after i moved out. I didn't recognize falling in love with you conciously. I mean i remember wanting to go to the library very much during breaks to chat. And i remember feeling disappointed whenever you weren't there, but i didn't really recognize it as being in love or something. I have learned much about myself the past years and there are some times that i can be content about myself now.

Anyway,
I am glad u are in my life and that we can get along so well. At this point in my life there is absolutely noone that can even slightly replace you. Hope you stay with me for a long long time.
XXX

[/mail to my sweetheart]

Finally i have time to write... But now i don't feel like writing anything important or really personal...
I can tell you that the next contestant in the cookie baking contest out did herself like she also does on her birthday. She baked cookies from a beginning of the last century recipe from Finland (thats where she is from originally) and they were delicious. We are lucky collegues, to have a birthday-collegue in our midst today. So, as it is almost coffee time, my stumach prepares for the cake i expect.
The car is fixed but the amount of money i had to pay is dredful. But at least i got some service.
My weekend was very nice. We talked about something that needed some attention for a while now. That was good. It's weird how afterwards i always wonder why i didn't talk about it sooner.
Well i'm going for some coffee now...

Yeah i was right. Today was hectic. Went to work first by bus. Then Back to the train station and on the train to Amsterdam. Then transfer to other train, after which i had to walk 20 minutes or so, searching for the right uni building. Then back.

Yesterday when i got home i was asked to jumpstart my friends boyfriends car. After which we were both dead, carwise. There was a garage in the neighborhood that was willing to start the cars. Needless to say that my dad's car wouldnt cooperate. It had to be pushed into the garage.
I still don't know what is wrong with it.

In the meantime i have rented a car which i have to pick up this afternoon to be able to drive to my boyfriend tonight.

I am so tired now.

I hope i get a little more energetic and happy before i get to Essen.

Tomorrow i'll be picking up a receptor-blocker that we need for an experiment on monday. The lab that's providing it, won't be able to send it before monday. So my boss asked me if i could go. It's only about 30 minutes away by train, but i would rather stay here.
After dinner i will drive to Essen. Will drop off flatmate at boyfriends house before that.
I have the feeling it will be a hectic day tomorrow.

I don't want to write.
Showed someone pics again, and even i think i am pathetic now.
It is so sunny and so lovely colored outside that the only thing i can think about is being in the Ardennes and taking strolls in the countryside.
We still don't know if my flatmates boyfriend will be off from work. I really like to know soon, because almost everything is booked already. :(
My flatmate is having an exam for uni and i really hope she's ok. Keeping my fingers crossed.
Not particularly much to do at work this week as i already mentioned... so good... :)

Tare looking quite alright. I have a quiet week this week at work.
Showed a collegue my holiday pictures again. Had Apple Cookie from the cookie baking contest at work. Very good. What a marvellous idea this contest.
I am still searching for a holiday house in the Belgian Ardennes. The boyfriend of my flatmate is trying to get few days off round New Year's, then if i know he succeeded, i can book something.
The weather is lovely. Nature showing its magnificent colors. Sun is shining.
Hopefully i can go to Germany this weekend. I miss T a great deal. We don't phone, but email and SMS. I think about him or being with him a lot. I still get the nervous feeling whenever i am about to visit him. Still not sure where we are going at this moment. I never imagined having a longdistance/weekend lover, but i guess a lot of ppl do it. I don't know how well you can get to know someone in weekends. Sometimes i feel we have chatted too much and there is now nothing left to say. We chatted for at least one year before we met about everything. I think you get to know someone when you live with them, when you live out daily boring life. When the pressure of being funny and attractive all the time is lifted. It is funny that that's the point when most couples decide to separate.
It's almost lunch time.
Think i will let this day go by unproductively.

Thank god for the BBC. Bless good old Miss Marple. I love the series. The Dutch haven't rerun the series in decades. After Miss Marple there's another miniseries also set in the 40's. We have decided to watch that as well. Saturday and sunday are pretty good for a couch potato, because sunday evening airs Monarch of the Glen. We call it Glenbogle.

Had a quiet weekend. Very nice. I shopped. I baked something. Did groceries and stuff. Sunday i was sat behind puter in the library at work the whole afternoon to search for B&B's in the Belgian Ardennes that have vacancies for New Year's. This morning i found out there is room in a nice small village B&B. We just need to check boyfriends calendars. lol. I am so looking forward to not being home for those holidays. I hope it doesn't fall through. On my way back home from the library my tyre went all flat on me. So i had to walk the rest. Took me about 20 minutes, but well, no harm in a little excersize. I took the bike up right away, and fixed it. So this morning i was able to take it for the daily ride to work... Thank god for the umbrella. It really is autumn here.

Have been very busy at work. Have been learning a new technique. Keep getting extra projects. Which is good on one hand, on the other it sucks... lol
Not sure what im doing this weekend, but surely no work...

Sometimes i think i am in a time loop. Yesterday we all had to taste the soft chocolate chip cookies from the second contestant at work. I can tell you it was good. Today it was someones birthday and she had baked cupcakes for us. Tomorrow will be the third participant's chance to overwhelme us with his freshly baked cookies. How am i ever going to lose weight if this is what i get? Anyway, let's not digress from the time loop feeling: sleep- get up- bike thru cold- work- cookie- work- lunch- work-dinner-sleep- cold- work- cookie- work- lunch- work-dinner-sleep.
This week a college of mine got an award to go work in a befriended lab in Perth, Australia for 3 months. Very happy for her. Must be cool.
Another collegue just returned from holidays in Kenia and Tanzania.
Jealous? and yet... I wouldn't have it in me to live out such an exciting dreams. I am your typical couch potato, especially in the winter.
So.... What do i want?

Had a good weekend. Friday was a wee bit stressful, because my dad was picking up the car. My fglatmate called at work to tell me to call back my dad, because he wanted to come by earlier. So i had to hurry it up a bit. So he didn't stay long, gladly. And later that night T arrived. I saw him crossing the street, so i decided to post behind the front door and open it before he had the chance to ring the bell. Surprise. hmm, maybe you had to be there...
So we had a good nights sleep, lol, and went to work saturday. Luckily he had no problems with it. And he just spend some time behind the computer. On our way back we did some groceries and had a quiet evening with self-built-home-baked pizza. We watched a synchronized Bond movie on German channel, 'you only live twice'. Very cool to see a pre-'only-special-effects-with-lotsa-blood-is-cool'-movie, then went to bed.
Sunday we waited for my dad to come by and return the car. We watched the end of our holiday film again and had a laugh about the ducks-at-breakfast-table scene. And we went to the fleamarket with my flatmate. Put him on the 19:42 train and miss him still.