Day by day

Well Sunday is here again. I am in the library in the hospital. So i can make use of a computer in peace. Home computer merely frustrates me. Besides it can't even bear a browser.
This weekend is a lonely one. My friend went to see her boyfriend. Think she will be back tonight.
Friday i went to a party. A PHD student from work graduated and she threw a party. Since i needed distraction i went, had three glasses of wine and had a reasonably good time. I talked about T with one collegue, so that was a weird intermezzo. I even danced a bit which is rare and the music really sucked, but if you ignore that... Party was over at about two in the morning. Funny thing was i was completely awake still. I slept round three.
Saturday, i slept in. And did some shopping. It was hard to make the day go by. I had planned to reply Thomas on his mail. It turns out we sat down for mailing at the same time, because later that evening i downloaded two emails from the server. My mail to him was very sad and angry at the same time, asking where the logic in continuing is, if we annoy eachother so much. His mail in response asked for another chance. I had asked myself what he could possibly write to make me change my point of view at the moment. I still don't quite know. But he wrote the following in the last sentence: 'it may sound stupid but i want u to give me a chance to let me prove i can do better. maybe u think i have had enough already.'
He also wrote he will write more today, because he was quite tired. I guess i have to wait for that first.
He says it is his lack of self confidence and the feeling that he has nothing important to say that makes him silent. Personally i think that is stupid. I have already told him before that i don't need him to say important stuff. I need him to participate and to be an open person. Believe me i understand shyness, but i think it is ridiculous to behave the way he did. That's what i meant with politeness. When we spend time with his friends he doesn't keep his mouth shut either. I think he needs a phsycologist.
And if he really feels this sick why hasn't he made new doc's appointments. Why not talk with his parents about it... Find a solution. I feel for him, i really do. But come on... Try to make the best of it. Or at least say something.
I don't know... That's my standard line this last week... i don't know. Writing and reading the past emails made me cry and made me not want to miss him. But i find it so important not to just have an intimate friend, but also one that is nice company to be with. My friend also feels somewhat irritated towards him and i can't really blame her. But it makes it harder for me to think positive, because it is very important to me what my friends think. I know how he comes across. I don't understand why he can't be just as open and social with us as with his own friends. Are we intimidating? And if that is how he really feels should i be insulted?
I don't know what to do. I think he should be allowed to prove himself if he asks for it. But i also don't want to waste more time on this. If i could see he tries very hard i might feel differently. This is going to sound horrible: I know i am a very sweet person who deserves better than this.